Something to Look (1,000 Years) Forward To


We’ve ragged on the stunts at Opium magazine before.

Their newest issue features a project called “The Longest Story Ever” by Jonathon Keats. (Or else it’s called “The Longest Story Ever Told.” Both titles appear on the web site.)

In honor of the number infinity, Opium presents the longest story ever told, written in nine words and revealed over the next millennium, one word per century.

The cover for issue 8 is printed in a double layer of black ink. The overlayer is screened back for the nine words, making the letters fractionally more vulnerable to ultraviolet light. The quantity of ink for each word is different, so the words will appear one at a time, when exposed to sunlight, over the next thousand years.

“The Longest Story Ever” was conceived, authored and designed for Opium 8 by the American conceptual artist Jonathon Keats. Copyright 3009.

We might be biased about this project, since we have a professional connection to the artist in question. But most of all we’re dying to know a few things.

– Did the geniuses at Opium magazine calibrate their cover correctly, so the story will actually be revealed over the next 1,000 years as planned?

– Will anyone be there in 1,000 years to make sure it works?

– Does that even matter?

– Can we speed up the process by shining an ultraviolet light on the cover?

– And will speeding up this 1,000-year process also speed up the flow of time?

– When we get to the future, will we discover why so many people threw away their money on books by Chuck Palahniuk?

Seriously, good luck Jonathon.

And someone please buy us an ultraviolet flash light.



  1. Luckily, my ancestors hired a new ghostwriter for my own story every 50 years, since 20 B.C.
    Beat that.

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