A Very Special Bookmark from the Fiction Advocate OMG OMFG!!!

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I promised you bookmarks, and now, thanks to my terribly mediocre skill with MS Paint, we have bookmarks. If you guessed at the James Wood Mad Libs (or, heck, if you just feel like having one) you can pick one up next time I see you.

This preview shows the front and back of one design. There are 6 designs in all, so far. The other bookmarks have quips about Virginia Woolf, Samuel Beckett, Sylvia Plath, Jane Austen, and Dave Eggers.

Does Nabokov really think you suck? Did Jane Austen really wretch on your dissertation? No, not really. The messages on the bookmarks are meant as an antidote to the kind of fanatical veneration of authors that leads us sanctify their every sentence, mangle their quotes, and cudgel each other with evidence that we understand them better than the next guy. Not that you’re doing that. But other people are. And we must remain strong in our resolve to oppose them. Books is books. Don’t let anyone shut you down by quizzing you on whether Samuel Beckett bowled left-handed or right-handed in cricket games as a boy. (It was left.)

Surely this is the start of a vast merchandising empire at the Fiction Advocate.

Come and get ’em!

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25 Comments

Filed under Hooray Fiction!

25 Responses to A Very Special Bookmark from the Fiction Advocate OMG OMFG!!!

  1. How does we gets one?

  2. fictionadvocate

    Dude. Email me your snail mail address.

  3. Sackpanther

    Sheer genius. I want them in every color.

    I smell a meme.

    NAIPAUL thinks your blog is inane.

    JOYCE wouldn’t kick it. Even if he was drunk.

  4. fictionadvocate

    FAULKNER is pretty sure you only got through, like, his first three chapters.

  5. msnowe

    I would like the Austen, Woolf and Plath bookmarks. “Henry James shat on your novella” would be a nice addition, too.

  6. fictionadvocate

    BRONTE is not feeling your emo band.

  7. Sackpanther

    O.HENRY deleted your last email without even reading it.

    HEMINGWAY says if you write one more tersely worded lame-o short story, he’s gonna pastiche all over your face.

  8. msnowe

    TOLSTOY regifted your Christmas present.

    HAWTHORNE gave your mom TB.

  9. So, do you think these would work well in my Video Game Enthusiasts magazine? I would like these Literary Aspersions cast in bronze. I shouldn’t eat 12″ of sub and comment for the meat pickles my wits!

  10. fictionadvocate

    MAILER refuses to fight you until you learn to punch.

  11. Sackpanther

    DE MAUPASSANT owns you, LaRusso.

  12. fictionadvocate

    BOLANO is glad he’s not alive to hear your book club’s analysis.

  13. fictionadvocate

    ATWOOD is just as happy to sign your book as she is to sign your death warrant.

  14. dannybayridge

    KAFKA hates your thesis.

  15. Camus thinks you triflin’.

  16. msnowe

    SALINGER is only a recluse because you are not.

  17. fictionadvocate

    OSCAR WILDE told everyone that your outfit is so 1860s.

  18. N

    DAVID FOSTER WALLACE called you a pussy.

  19. EMILY DICKINSON turned down your Facebook friend request.

  20. msnowe

    SHAKESPEARE totally cockblocked you at the bar last night.

  21. SONTAG is silently judging your flickr page.

  22. JAMES ELLROY doesn’t care who killed you.

  23. msnowe

    HENRY JAMES won’t recommend your fiction to his friends, because he fears it will make them “pansies.”

  24. fictionadvocate

    Oh man. These keep getting better. If you want me to print you a bookmark with your favorite one, just let me know.

  25. BARTHES would rather direct street traffic than read your novella.

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