The “Weekend at Bernie’s” Effect

1989: Weekend at Bernie’s opens in theaters, grossing over $30 million and leading to a sequel, Weekend at Bernie’s 2.

1993: Bill Clinton hosts the Oslo Accords between Yasser Arafat and Yitzhak Rabin. A UN investigation reveals that Arafat and Rabin were both hit by a “freak airstrike” at Camp David hours earlier, and died before the signing ceremony.

1995: Nicolas Cage drinks himself to death while filming Leaving Las Vegas—for which he wins an Academy Award. His agent resurrects him in a voodoo ceremony and commands the zombie to star in The Wicker Man, Ghost Rider, and G-Force.

1996: The Spice Girls top the Billboard charts. The group includes four live girls and a dead one, whose inanimate flopping is commonly mistaken for a “Scary” new dance move.

2001: Michael Jordan returns to professional basketball with the Washington Wizards, carrying the corpses of his teammates—all borrowed from Pat Riley’s basement—on his back.

2005: The voice and hand gestures of Chief Justice Rehnquist are supplied by Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas, respectively, until Ruth Bader Ginsburg finally complains about Rehnquist’s “less than alive” smell.

2008: George Lucas and Steven Spielberg drag the remains of Harrison Ford through the filming of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Lucas and Spielberg are digitally removed in postproduction.

2010: Glenn Beck exhumes 80,000 deceased American voters. Their bodies populate his Restoring Honor rally in Washington DC.

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Filed under a motion picture is worth a couple of words, Original Fiction

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