Lakes I Haven’t Seen (and What I Think of Them Regardless)


A superlative lake. The oldest, deepest, most voluminous and fresh, lucid from outer space. Russian, of course. Practically a sea. Ripped into the earth’s skin like a stretch mark, its shore scabbed over with mountains. One kilometer beneath the water is a neutrino telescope searching for dark matter. Has its own species of seal.


Crater (Oregon)

A log bobbing in its blue eye for a hundred years. Rumor says a wizard drops by the island between 2:30 and 3:15pm on schooldays. So damn pretty you have to look away sometimes, like with Jared Leto, and recall that everything is evil at heart, especially nature.



Given like a severed head to a faraway queen. Once it brimmed with angelfish, then came a 400-pound predator with black jelly eyes. Worst extinction of vertebrates in the 20th century. A shame, since all the Vicki Lakes on Facebook and LinkedIn seem like decent people.


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