For most women, aging is seen as something to be denied or ignored. And the writing world is not immune: award lists often tout those under 30 or 40. Nina Lorez Collins, a colleague of mine from Columbia’s Narrative Medicine program, has been quietly changing this with her “sisterhood of literary-minded feminists,” What Would Virginia Woolf Do?, which is also the title of her new book. A hybrid of memoir and self-help, the book confronts aging with the kind of sarcasm, wit, and camaraderie that Woolf herself would enjoy.
What have you done to maintain a space for yourself and your work (writing and otherwise) within motherhood?
I’ve always been a big believer in the idea that I need to be sane and happy in order to be a role model for my four children. I also hugely value independence as an important quality, so these things combined have given me some justification for prioritizing my own work and personal growth within the context of motherhood.
How does being a writer affect your experience of motherhood?
Probably somewhat negatively, to be honest—in that I’m interested in writing about my personal life, and I’m sure that’s embarrassing at times to my children. I’ve tried a few times to write fiction, but it just doesn’t feel right to me. On the other hand, kids are a great source of material, if you can figure out how to use it without betraying them :)
Can you tell me more about the impetus to write this book?
A little over two years ago I started a secret (later changed to closed) Facebook group. I called it “What Would Virginia Woolf Do?” in a nod to the daring feminist I admire who killed herself in her 50s. The joke was that I was feeling demoralized by aging, and wondered if I should just bag the whole thing. The group was never intended to be anything beyond a forum for me and my girlfriends, but friends invited friends, and it took off in this unimaginable way. We now have almost 7500 women all across the country in the group. About a year into it, I was spending ALL my time on Facebook, and I realized that there might be more to explore in a longer form.
How has motherhood changed for you as you (and your children) have gotten older?
It gets easier and also harder as they get older. My kids are now young adults, ranging in age from 17 to 24, and I’m so much calmer and wiser now, and wish I’d had more of this balance and ability when I was younger. I loved having small children, and in contrast I found the crucial years of adolescence (13-17) very, very taxing… I can’t believe I’m not all gray at this point. But now, as they slide into actual adulthood, I’m relaxing a bit more again, and it’s a huge treat to see how interesting and able they all are. And to have almost complete freedom for the first time in my life!
It’s so interesting to see how the landscape of motherhood changes over time. As someone with a toddler, I love hearing about how each stage of parenting is different. How has the experience of writing changed over the course of their lives?
I don’t know, because I didn’t start writing until about eight years ago, when my kids were 9, 11, 11, and 15. It gets easier when they are out of the house!
WWVWD tackles various issues a woman faces as she gets older, and though we talk a lot about sexism in the workplace and in various industries (for good reason), do you think there’s ageism, particularly in the publishing world?
I don’t know—I was just remembering this morning the publication of Julia Glass’s The Three Junes, which won the National Book Award in 2002. That was her first novel, and she was in her late 40s when it was published. Or Stephanie Gangi’s The Next, which is a marvelous debut novel that came out when the author was in her early 60s. And book publishing is of course full of great women in the houses and agencies. I suppose I would say that there is ageism everywhere, but maybe it’s no worse in the publishing world?
What books inspire you, and what are you reading right now?
What I’m reading right now: Meg Wolitzer’s The Female Persuasion and Amy Bloom’s White Houses.
What inspires me: anything by Laurie Colwin, Anita Brookner, Margaret Drabble, Jean Rhys, Virginia Woolf, Alice Munro, Carol Shields.
Jaime Rochelle Herndon graduated with her MFA in creative nonfiction from Columbia and is a writer and editor living in NYC. She is a contributor at Book Riot and a writing instructor at Apiary Lit, and her writing can be seen on Healthline and New York Family Magazine, among others.